today while babysitting a nine year old boy asked me to play mackelmore & ryan lewis’ “same love”. he sang along and i asked if he understood the meaning of the song. he gave me an accurate and heart felt response which essentially turned into a speech on gay rights. he doesn’t know it yet, but he’s history in the making. and a pretty cool kid.
today i woke up nostalgic of indonesia and the two months i spent traveling there. it was the last leg of my nineteen months living and traveling in asia. it felt like the end of an era as well as the start of something new. i was wrapping up one journey to prepare for another; life in the homeland, and i couldn’t have chose a more perfect place to do it.
inle lake - sumatra, indonesia
i knew the transition back home would be difficult, but i wasn’t prepared for the challenge that laid ahead. how hard it would be to be in the world i always loved and knew. how difficult it would be to simply be home. how sad i’d feel to be in the place i missed so much while away.
reverse culture shock, rapid change, transition, unemployment, self doubt, frustration, fear, lack of motivation, loss of hope, isolation, anxiety. feeling like you’re 14 years old again [embarrassingly so] because “no one understands” what you’re going through because you were living across the world which felt like being on another planet the past year and a half. it’s exhausting, but inevitable. the emotional stress wreaked havoc on me, mentally and physically. but i did what i learned to do while across the world. i didn’t fight it, i went with it, rode it like wave, and came out the other side. i’m better today because of it.
it’s been about three months since i’ve been home. i’m still technically in transition, but who isn’t in some way or another at 25? i’m trying to gain a footing while a bit lost, but that’s absolutely okay. i feel lighter, i feel better. i feel a change in myself. i feel i can look back on asia with infinite gratitude and move forward. i feel fortunate for the adventure that once took place and that i’m on a new one at this very moment. i’m 25, living at home, unemployed, and lost….but the world is my freakin’ oyster.
today, i am grateful for transition because i know something great will come of this.